How I wish I could see into the future. Just a year would do. Will I have a job again? Will I have a nice one? Will I be unemployed and panicking? Will I be on a trajectory to where I want to be?
If you fail to plan you plan to fail. But what if you don’t know what you’re planning for? Or how to plan for what you want? I guess I’m being a bit too hard on myself; I can figure out everything in a few months. Maybe the best thing I can do is plan for coming up with ideas; make a 2 or 3 year plan to try different things and see which way I want to develop. Rome wasn’t built in a day, a new career isn’t either.
My options (as I see them now) are:
– Learn to build websites/apps and do that as a business;
– Work on a project basis as a Secretary for a while;
– Work in tech as a scrum master or something like that;
– Work as a secretary in a more interesting environment;
Those do not exclude each other, of course. But I need to figure out more about building websites (what do I need to know if I really want to do this?), and really train for it, it’s not a skill I can pick up in a month. I think? I need to learn about being a scrum master, and Secretaresse plus.
I should also figure out some bigger goals that I want to achieve. What are my bigger goals? Finding my own place? I really want to, but I would have to stay near dad anyway to take care of him. Is it worth it to invest in a home in Hoorn? If that’s not where I want to be long term?
Do I want to invest time and energy into finding a partner? Or is that something I only want to happen naturally? Does that still happen naturally? Going on a few dates might be fun.
I need to work on my health though. That has priority. I am not well.
Do I want the flexibility to work from anywhere? To travel to the US whenever I want?
Do I want to invest more time and energy into becoming a climate activist? Find a job that won’t require that much energy and time so this is an option?
How did I get to 40 only to have even more questions about life than I did at 30??
And who knows how long I still have to figure it out? I’m getting into higher risk of heartfailure / cancer age. But perhaps happiness isn’t being settled. I had that, and I couldn’t stand it. Perhaps it is the constant pursuit of more challenges, new things to learn.
This has not been an easy blog post. It was hard to push it out. I think it’s obvious that I need to take time in the summer to think about all this. Perhaps do the secretaresse plus thing for a while, or find a job in a very different field. See what’s available, start applying in July? I think take some time to calm my brain in April and May, start really coming up with a plan in June and start acting on it in July and August. Take some time. Who knows how hard you’ll have to work in your new career. Enjoy the gift of free time you’re giving yourself (and hope it helps with some of the health issues I’ve been having).
If the universe will allow it, of course. Life laughs at plans.
charmedsue 